Monday, March 1, 2010

1/7th of a glass condom bowl

The Captain was a professional roleplaying educator of children. He met me at a favorite bar of mine that serves high end beers on tap. One beer on tap that evening was a Kwak, which is served in a round-bottomed glass with a wooden stand. I ordered one of these, and the Captain asked for one of the same. I protested, being opposed to the idea of us both getting the same drink. With so many interesting beers on tap, I would have preferred to get different beers among the two of us and shared. However, he stuck by his decision. "No, I think I'll still get that." He didn't know anything about the beer, what it was, what it tasted like, but he knew he wanted it, apparently. One minute into the date, he was already a touch rude.

I have a super power, and in the moment, I decided to tell the Captain about it. Most people have at least one thing, be it a skill or talent or penchant or what have you, that they excel at uncommonly above and beyond the rest. I have a way with gay men. Most gay men I meet are drawn to me and I to them. We instantly form a bond in a way that usual friendships take over a year to develop. I also told the Captain that if I could change anything about myself, it would be to extend this power to all segments of the population. After taking a moment to think of what he would change about himself, he said, "I wish I had the ability to get better-paying jobs."

I met the Captain through OKCupid. He knew I had just joined a week previously and asked me how many dates I'd been on since I'd joined. The Captain was my fourth OKCupid date and my third consecutive Arch challenge date. Rather than awkwardly tell him I'd been on a date pretty much every day since I joined the online dating service, I decided to tell him about the Arch challenge. I wouldn't have ordinarily told him about the challenge, but given its relevance to his question and how cool I think the challenge and reward are, I decided to fill him in.

This was just the right story to unlock the Captain's insecurities. He was incredibly offended and acted like I had just said, "You are worth 1/7th of a glass condom bowl to me." After digesting my story, he said to me, "A word of advice, don't tell that story on your future dates." How many dates had the Captain been on, total, in over the past year? Four.

After he thought it prudent to give me dating advice, the date deteriorated pretty quickly. It was clear to me that we were not a good match, so I started suggesting to him other ways to meet women. He did not take so kindly to this as well. I realized the Captain had only drank half of his beer this far into the date, and it turned out he did not like it at all. This was a strike against him as well, I must say, since Kwak is a very tasty Belgian brew.

And then the Captain looked at the bill.

The Kwak was $15 per glass. The Captain threw a tantrum. "What? This beer was $15?! Jesus! Beer should not cost this much. If I had known..." I put down cash for my beer and headed for the door.

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