Sunday, February 28, 2010

Punk Rock Punch

This is the story of EVG's worst first date.

EVG sets out to meet an OKCupid girl at a bar. He arrives surprised to see that she has brought an army of friends with her. His surprise is not only due to the lack of intimacy, but more so at the physical appearance of his new friends. The girl and all of her friends are dressed like extreme gothic rockers. Mohawks, black lipstick, ripped clothing, pins and piercings are the fashion among this crew. This sense of style is not apparent from the girl's online dating profile.

Shock notwithstanding, the date ensues. After a while, the girl and her friends depart to the bathroom leaving EVG at the table. They return some ten to fifteen minutes later looking wired, rubbing their noses, ecstatic to move on to another party. The girl asks EVG if he wants to go to a punk rock concert with them, but moreover, if he can handle going to a punk rock concert.

He hesitates, wondering what he's getting himself into with a group of punk rock cokeheads. "Yeah, I think so?"

She punches him hard in the gut. Recall that the "E" in EVG stands for "effeminate." His delicate constitution does not react well to the sucker punch. She yells in his face, "Are you sure? Can you really handle it? Because this is what it's like!" Cue another punch to the gut. "Well? Are you?" And for good measure, she throws in a third.

EVG backs away and says, "OK, I get it! Please! Stop hitting me." They end up moving on to one of their apartments instead. At this point, he knows the date is a throwaway, but why not see it through to its crazy end? He follows them to the apartment. The rockers disappear into a bedroom while he waits for them in the living room. Once more, they return decidedly more upbeat. They all start undressing.

When two of them start having sex on the floor in front of him, he decides that the crazy end has been reached. He rushes out of the apartment, only to be followed by his date who is now barefoot and half-naked, running after him, screaming, "Come back! We started off on the wrong foot!" He manages to catch a bus and escapes.

No comments:

Post a Comment